Why I'm happier without abs and without the gym

First of all, let's take a moment to laugh at how ridiculous I look in the photo above, clutching my boobs and laughing like an absolute goofball. There's a funny story behind it -  I went to go take some pics with my sister and halfway through she goes, "Tara one of your boobs looks way smaller than the other" and this was the face I pulled immediately before I said, "It probably is!". Kind of a nothing story I know but I actually kind of love this photo because a year ago there was no way I would have posted it - I would have pointed out my goofy teeth, unsymmetrical boobs, belly overhang and hip dips and deleted it straight out. But this year has given me so much more perspective on what is important to me, who I am becoming and honestly just not caring what other people think.

  I know I have gone on far too many times about how busy this year has been for me but it has and - although the theme of these photos may be a bit misleading - it has been over a year since I have done any proper exercise. In my first and second year of uni I got very caught up in how I looked and this whole 'gym culture' that seems to be expected of you on Instagram nowadays. I was pushed over the edge when one of my old dance teachers said "you are very unfit now, don't turn into one of those fat uni students" although I know she meant nothing by it and said it as a helpful passing comment, it was enough to make me look at myself a little differently and cave into the pressure that I was already feeling. Now I'm not saying that I went unhealthy about it - in fact I was probably the most physically fit I have ever been but it was just excessive pressure on myself that I didn't need. I would be going to the gym 4/5 times a week, every time trying to beat my personal best of the amount of time that I could stay on the treadmill and not letting myself get off until I had. I constantly feeling guilty about what I was eating, how much longer I would need to go to the gym, if I skipped gym one evening I would drag myself to the gym in my halls as late as 11pm as a sort of punishment. As much as my body was healthier for it, my mentality towards it wasn't, and when it came to my third year of university, I just knew that this sort of pressure on top of everything else was going to make me crumble. So I just stopped it and I focused on writing my dissertation as well as working 2 jobs, finishing my degree, staying in the studio until 8pm most nights and working freelance, and I bloody smashed it! Yes I may have lost my abs, my legs and hips are a bit jiggly now and I probably couldn't last 10 minutes on a treadmill, but I gained SO much more. 

It's all about about balance. Now that I have a bit more time to myself I want to concentrate on earning some more money, getting my career started at the same time and probably at some point getting my fitness back but I will do it in a much more healthy and gentle way and hopefully in not so much isolation as I was feeling last time. What I have learnt from this past year is that if you focus on the physical results of how you look to make you feel happy and a sense of achievement, you will never be happy. Even when I was at my slimmest and could run for an hour, I would still want to lose a bit more, run a bit longer. It never ends and you have to focus on what is going to benefit you most at that point in time, and for me that was focusing on getting my career goals focused, getting a first to help me do that and working to be able to afford it as well as building my portfolio and making industry contacts along the way.

Now I am always a bit cautious of using the words 'body confidence' because I am aware that I am a still naturally slim size 8 and a lot of people will scoff at you for even trying to put yourself in that category but I think that everyone will always criticise their own body way more than anyone else does and that everyone can lack confidence in their own skin at some point. For me it was just about realising that honestly NO ONE CARES. None of my family, friends or boyfriend have even noticed a change in my body in the past year, so why the hell was I worrying so much. So for the foreseeable future you will find me under a blanket and with a pack of Haribo, and I am absolutely ok with that!

Tara - Jade x

Outfit details:

Top: Boux Avenue here

Leggings: Boux Avenue here

Use code : TARACTIVE20 for 20% off until 30th September

10 things I wish I knew before starting university

If any of you follow my design Instagram you will have seen this over on my stories but I thought I would dedicate a blog post to it because I'm sure lots of my followers are just about to start 1st year at uni and it can be bloody scary! Some of these points are very art school based but hopefully most of them are relatable to anyone!

Don’t put pressure on it to live up to the expectations of what everyone says uni will be like. 

Especially at a London university, it will be most likely be a different experience for you than the stories you have heard. It may be the best 3 years of your life when you make incredible friends for life and you may party 3 nights a week and spend every night socialising at the SU. But also it may not and thats ok. Don’t feel like you have to push yourself to fit in with this stereotype of the uni experience, keep hold of what you enjoy doing, time to yourself and time for your old friends and family and you will be just fine.

You get out of university what you put in.

No matter how amazing your course is, at the end of the day, the amount of effort that you put into your work will be reflected in how much you gain from those 3 years. Give every project and opportunity your best shot and it will be so much more worth the money!

If you can, DO WORK EXPERIENCE!

If you have spare time to do work experience atall, do it as much as you can too! These are the contacts that will help you get ahead once you have graduated because you have a strong relationship with them and they trust your work and work ethic.

Learn 5 recipes that you can make in 20 minutes or less.

When you are busy with work, staying late at the studio or even just rushing a quick meal before you go on a night out, the last thing you are going to want to do is cook or think of a meal to try and make. I kept a whole stock of curry sauces, pasta sauces etc that you can just stick on the hob with some sort of carbs for 15 minutes and fry up some chicken/ veg etc to put with it and you will save a whole load on ready meals! 

Have a secret stash of cutlery

Sounds silly but I’m sure my flatmates ATE cutlery, it all seemed to go missing. Having a spare set in my room saved me having to eat all my meals with a spoon on many occasions.

Keep your uni room as a nice relaxing space to come home to.

This one will help with homesickness and general stress levels. I started to realise that I felt so much more stressed when my uni room was a mess and my bed wasn’t made and laundry wasn’t done. Try and make your room as homely as possibly with photos/ decoration that makes it feel like your space and somewhere that you look forward to coming home too.

Before you start uni, try and save up a bit of money to use as your freshers fund and overflow money.

From the date you move in in September, there is a while month until you get your first student loan instalment, which I didn’t realise! Your student loan is paid on the first week of your actual university course. So unless you want to go into your shiny new overdraft straight away, have some back up money ready.

Art supplies that you use regularly, buy in bulk online

For me things like sketchbooks, scalpel blades, mountboard and foamboard really started to add up when you buy them all singularly from the art shop and I found that buying them in bulk on ebay made such a difference, even if you buy them and split it between your mates!

Learn to budget very early on!

As soon as I got my first student loan payment, I worked out how many weeks I had until the next one and then divided how much money I had between those weeks. That was my budget for the week and if I went below that I put extra money into the ‘overflow pot’ I spoke about earlier and then took out of that if I needed it. It seems like a lot of faff but trust me you will thank me later when you need extra money for birthday presents or event tickets or christmas!

 However you are feeling, someone else is feeling the exact same way.

It's a big change to begin with, give yourself a bit of slack and be kind to everyone. You are all a bit scared and anxious but just relax and know that - as cliché as it sounds - everyone is in the same boat, everyone is putting on a brave face and everyone is only putting the best bits on social media!

Tara-Jade x